possible LTE - looking for suggestions

[surf]

i'm working on a letter to the editor - Seattle Paper. please comment on what i've written, feel free to rip it apart, and keep in mind that they ask for and are more likely to print letters that are 200 words or less - this one's around 210.

thanks in advance, and if you think it sucks and i shouldn't send it, tell me that. they have a tendency to print my letters....


(i'm offering this as a possible title: "Pink-slips for Congress")
Dear Ed,

The bail-out bill passed by Congress this week and signed by President Bush has made my voting decisions easy. I’m happy to say that my Representative, Dave Reichert, listened to the people in his district and, in the most important vote of his career, stood with the people and the nation’s best interests by voting “nay.” He’s earned my vote. Senator Cantwell’s “nay” vote was also cast with respect for the wishes of her constituents: the residents of Washington State. This courageous vote will probably sway my vote in 2012.

Representatives Inslee, McDermott, Hastings, and McMorris Rodgers have also earned a return trip to Congress simply by listening to their constituents and voting against this horrific piece of legislation (numerous members of Congress used an old line reporting that constituent calls were “50/50”: “50% ‘no’ and 50% ‘hell no’”).

This leaves five pink-slips to hand out. Four must to be handed out this November to bail-out supporters Representatives Norm Dicks, Adam Smith, Rick Larsen, and Brian Baird who offered this explanation of why he voted “yea”: “This bill isn’t perfect and it’s not a panacea…. I’m angry about all of this.”

The final pink-slip will have to wait until 2010 to be given to bail-out supporter Senator Patty Murray.

Baird is running against Ron Paul republican Mike Delavar in southwest Washington, that's why i used his quote.

[heavenlyboy34]

This sentence-"The bail-out bill passed by Congress this week and signed by President Bush has made my voting decisions easy." is a little clumsy.

Try "The fact that Congress passed the bail out bill which was subsequently signed by President Bush has made my voting decisions easy". (JMHO)

[tggroo7]

This sentence-"The bail-out bill passed by Congress this week and signed by President Bush has made my voting decisions easy." is a little clumsy.

Try "The fact that Congress passed the bail out bill which was subsequently signed by President Bush has made my voting decisions easy". (JMHO)

I would even knock out the part about being signed by Bush. It isn't really all that necessary. I would say, "Congress's passing of the bloated bailout bill this week has made my voting decisions easier."

I would get rid of "He’s earned my vote." in the first paragraph. It's not really necessary as it can pretty much be figured out from your previous sentence.

Also, you want to get rid of your first "to" in the second sentence of the third paragraph. And I would make the Baird quote a new sentence because at first I thought it was like a collective quote or a paraphrasing of the four's reasonings. Just say, "Four must be handed out this November to bail-out supporters Representatives Norm Dicks, Adam Smith, Rick Larsen, and Brian Baird. Baird offered this pathetic "explanation" for voting “yea”: “This bill isn’t perfect and it’s not a panacea…. I’m angry about all of this.”"

[surf]

thanks guys. do i make any point here?


Congress's passing of the bloated bail-out bill this week has made my voting decisions easy. I’m happy to say that my Representative, Dave Reichert, listened to the people in his district and, in the most important vote of his career, stood with the people and the nation’s best interests by voting “nay.” Senator Cantwell’s “nay” vote was also cast with respect for the wishes of her constituents: the residents of Washington State. This courageous vote will probably sway my vote in 2012.

Representatives Inslee, McDermott, Hastings, and McMorris Rodgers have also earned a return trip to Congress simply by hearing their constituents and voting against this horrific piece of legislation (numerous members of Congress used an old line reporting that constituent calls were “50/50”: “50% ‘no’ and 50% ‘hell no’”).

This leaves five pink-slips to hand out. Four must be handed out this November to bail-out supporters Representatives Norm Dicks, Adam Smith, Rick Larsen, and Brian Baird. Baird offered this explanation of why he voted “yea”: “This bill isn’t perfect and it’s not a panacea…. I’m angry about all of this.”

The final pink-slip will have to wait until 2010 for bail-out supporter Senator Patty Murray.

[tggroo7]

try this:


Congress's passing of the bloated bail-out bill this week has made my voting decisions easy. I’m happy to say that my Representative, Dave Reichert, listened to the people in his district and, in the most important vote of his career, stood with the people and the nation’s best interests by voting “nay.” Senator Cantwell’s “nay” vote was also cast with respect for the wishes of her constituents: the residents of Washington State. This courageous vote will probably sway my vote in 2012.

Representatives Inslee, McDermott, Hastings, and McMorris Rodgers have also earned a return trip to Congress simply by hearing their constituents and voting against this horrific piece of legislation (numerous members of Congress used an old line reporting that constituent calls were “50/50”: “50% ‘no’ and 50% ‘hell no’”).

This leaves five pink-slips to hand out. Four must be handed out this November to bail-out supporters Representatives Norm Dicks, Adam Smith, Rick Larsen, and Brian Baird. Baird offered this explanation of why he voted “yea”: “This bill isn’t perfect and it’s not a panacea…. I’m angry about all of this.” The final pink-slip will have to wait until 2010 for bail-out supporter Senator Patty Murray.

Now it is your duty to distribute these pink-slips in the form of votes AGAINST these incumbents.

I get nitpicky when it comes to writing. I think you need something like that last line I put in there to conclude. Anyway, that puts you at like 201 words so you should be good enough.

and if they don't really care about length all that much, go ahead and leave in what I said to get rid of. I just said get rid of it because it was the least necessary of all and I was just trying to shorten it

[surf]

thank you tggroo7. i wish i had waited and incorporated your changes, but thought that if i got the letter in early today while the market is displaying its affection for this bill, it would stand a better chance of getting published. i sent it about an hour prior to your response. i think they're going to print it...

[surf]

Some in delegation listened to constituents
Congress passing the bloated bailout bill last week has made my voting decisions easy. I'm happy to say that my representative, Dave Reichert, listened to the people in his district and, in the most important vote of his career, stood with the people and the nation's best interests by voting no. Sen. Maria Cantwell's no vote also was cast with respect for the wishes of her constituents: the residents of Washington state. This courageous vote will probably sway my vote in 2012.

Reps. Jay Inslee, Jim McDermott, Doc Hastings, and Cathy McMorris Rodgers have also earned a return trip to Congress simply by hearing their constituents and voting against this horrific piece of legislation (numerous members of Congress reported that constituent calls were 50/50: 50 percent no and 50 percent hell no).

This leaves five pink slips to hand out. Four must be handed out this November to bailout supporters Reps. Norm Dicks, Adam Smith, Rick Larsen and Brian Baird. Baird offered this explanation of why he voted yes: "This bill isn't perfect and it's not a panacea -- I'm angry about all of this."

The final pink slip will have to wait until 2010 for bailout supporter Sen. Patty Murray.

it's in Wednesday's newspaper http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/opinion/382158_ltrs8.html