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View Full Version : I threw this together for my English class




hotbrownsauce
09-10-2008, 09:10 PM
can someone check it and make sure it follows good English since my dad is sleeping?

Thanks!



Big Government is precipitated by the Republican Party

For years, the United States government on all sides has been influenced by special interests like the Military Industrial Complex, whom like the idea of war because it means huge profits instead of an approach that says, war is a last resort and never initiated by us. Other interests include those in power who want to help themselves, or, groups like those for socialized health care. Taxes have been increased along with the National Debt, and more bureaucratic governmental institutions such as Home Land Security, have been created going against the original Republican Party platform of smaller Government. The Republican slogan George Bush ran on in 2000 was, “No Nation Building”. Now after George Bush’s presidency we see that the Republican Party has submitted to special interests by starting a preemptive war against Iraq, by increasing the size of government, and by passing illegal laws such as the patriot act and the military commission act. The Republican Party has strayed away from its roots and has allowed bad Government, but not without a fight by people like Republican Ron Paul, and his, “Revolution” who want to bring back a smaller and smarter Government like we had in 1800.

Republican Ron Paul has started a national movement to take back the Republican Party and the government from all interests that go against the law of the constitution. His revolution is sometimes written rloveution , love is to portray the love this movement has, the r-love-ution phrase is to say this is a change back to the principles of the Republican Party and the United States’ roots. Followers such as the popular Barry Goldwater Junior according to The New York Times’ called for, “the Ron Paul Revolution to take back the Republican Party, likening it to what his father had done in the 1960s.” The New York Times also reports that in Ron Paul’s speech at his Rally for the Republic he declared that, “John McCain and Mr. Obama shared essentially the same philosophy on foreign policy.” and it is true, Republicans aren’t any different than Democrats since both parties are lobbied by the same special interests. So it would only make sense that the two parties would have nearly the same views. Another speaker at the Rally said that a free market doesn’t create crisis’s in housing as we’ve seen today, Stephen Dubner of the New York Times responded by saying, “What does? That’s easy: Government”. I agree mal investment is caused by the Federal Reserve making interest rates artificially low and then when they raise them again we see the same housing bubbles. We in the “rloveution” aren’t happy that government has laid illegal direct and excessive taxes against United States citizens. We aren’t happy that the government is pushing for a union between the USA, Mexico, and Canada, just as 20 years ago there was a push for the European Union which now exists today. George Bush, a Republican has already been in talks with Canada and Mexico about a union of these Nations. Neither are we satisfied with international organizations we are part of such as the United Nations who openly admits that they want to get rid of guns out of the hands of people. Have we forgotten the purpose of the 2nd amendment? Some think the law was for hunting, or an early law to protect everyone that had a gun at that time, or useless since we have a police force. Scholars know it’s a useful law as it is our last resort protection from our government should it become destructive. What are we to do to give people back their rights of freedom of choice and responsibility?

Ron Paul in efforts to give all of us the tools to take back our country has created the Campaign for Liberty that so far has had 100,000 members join in just 2 months. In this campaign that is just getting started we will be helping each other by suggesting reading materials, holding politicians accountable, getting others like us to run for all levels of office, and using grassroots activists all throughout the Republican Party. Ron Paul chosen the Republican Party because it aligns with our views of less government, no nation building, no board of education, less or no taxes, and more. We plan to reinstitute all the classical Republican values that of people like, Robert Taft, Barry Goldwater, and Ronald Reagan back into the party. We especially right now want to reverse the damage and aim our country has had after September 11th 2001. The Campaign for Liberty is the continuation of the same principals each of our founding fathers wanted, and we believe in them whole heartedly.

The founders and fighters of the original United States Revolution hated big and oppressive government just as the Ron Paul Revolution does. With no talk of ending the National Debt and maintaining a budget one has to wonder, why? We pay over 400 billion a year in interest on that debt to the banks we borrow from. No republican talks about solving the debt problem any longer. We use to believe in living within our means and not leaving a debt to our children to pay off. With 9 trillion dollars looming over our heads we can assume that government doesn’t care about getting spending under control. Many U.S. citizens don’t know the true cause of inflation which is a hidden tax. The true cause is that our government causes it. How and why could government be so evil? Maybe it isn’t as sinister as you may suspect, rather a forgotten consequence that belittles those in power who need inflation. Inflation in early American colonial times was despised because they saw the affects. The 13 colonies each printed different kinds of currency and when they wanted more money to spend they would just print more, which caused a lot of inflation and much unstableness in the USA’s early times. That same inflation happens today when the Federal Government tells the Federal Reserve they need more money. The Federal Reserve prints the money and uses it to buy Federal Bonds from our Federal Government and then our Government gets to spend that money, thus increasing the amount of money in circulation. In economics money is expressed in the Quantity Theory of Money Supply as having a direct correlation of how much it is worth with how much is available. Meaning that the more money that is available the higher the prices will be. Little do people know that there is little or no inflation when no new money is put into the system. When the debt total 9 trillion is given it does not include the money millions of people have been paying to social security that has been spent. Social Security is like a savings account but, the money spent from those accounts isn’t considered a debt yet. If we include that missing social security money into our national debt we will be 40+ trillion in debt in the next 10+ years when more baby boomers start retiring. Now you can see inflation is a hidden tax, and we are more in debt than we thought. Republicans like John McCain haven’t shown any knowledge or care about the Federal Reserve or the national debt that I’ve explained, except that of Republican Ron Paul who’s fighting to get the word out. Where are the real politicians and Republicans talking about the real problems? Republicans are encouraging the runaway Government by silence and appraisal, the New York Times said, “The G.O.P. convention has been a tribute to not only “country first” but, primarily, to government itself.” Any person that knows the problems we face today that believes in our founding ways and protecting them knows paying tribute to the government today does a disservice. Republicans have silenced themselves from dissenting on bad Government policies and have complimented them instead. Republican John McCain even supports raising taxes by creating a fair tax that would be sort of sales tax that would replace the Income Tax. The fight against this change in philosophy from colonial times to now and the Republicans destroying our supreme law isn’t over. The Republicans have damaged this country enough and it’s time to stop their bad policies, silence, and appraisal of bad Government.

hotbrownsauce
09-10-2008, 09:11 PM
I'm not looking for input on what to add about NWO or something, rather my own opinions making a persuasive argument that uses good grammer and flows well. I wanna know if it makes sense, proper usage of comas and etc etc

ClockwiseSpark
09-10-2008, 09:23 PM
can someone check it and make sure it follows good English since my dad is sleeping?

Thanks!



Big Government is precipitated by the Republican Party

For years, the United States government on all sides has been influenced by special interests like the Military Industrial Complex, who like the idea of war because it means huge profits instead of an approach that says, war is a last resort and never initiated by us.Link "huge profits" with a non intervention stance Other interests include those in power who want to help themselves, or groups like those for socialized health care.Why is socialized health care bad? Taxes have been increased along with the National Debt, and more bureaucratic governmental institutions such as Home Land Security, have been created going against the original Republican Party platform of smaller Government.Are you writing this paper as a Republican or a student? The Republican slogan George Bush ran on in 2000 was, “No Nation Building”. Now after George Bush’s presidency we see that the Republican Party has submitted to special interests by starting a preemptive war against Iraq, by increasing the size of government, and by passing illegal laws such as the patriot act and the military commission act. The Republican Party has strayed away from its roots and has allowed bad Government, but not without a fight by people like Republican Ron Paul, and his, “Revolution” who want to bring back a smaller and smarter Government like we had in 1800.

Republican Ron Paul has started a national movement to take back the Republican Party and the government from all interests that go against the law as dictated by the constitution. His revolution is sometimes written rloveution , love is to portray the love this movement has, the r-love-ution phrase is to say this is a change back to the principles of the Republican Party and the United States’ roots. Followers such as the popular Barry Goldwater Junior according to The New York Times’ called for, “the Ron Paul Revolution to take back the Republican Party, likening it to what his father had done in the 1960s.” The New York Times also reports that in Ron Paul’s speech at his Rally for the Republic he declared that, “John McCain and Mr. Obama shared essentially the same philosophy on foreign policy.” and it is true, Republicans aren’t any different than Democrats since both parties are lobbied by the same special interests. So it would only make sense that the two parties would have nearly the same views. Another speaker at the Rally said that a free market doesn’t create crisis’s in housing as we’ve seen today, Stephen Dubner of the New York Times responded by saying, “What does? That’s easy: Government”. I agree mal investment is caused by the Federal Reserve making interest rates artificially low and then when they raise them again we see the same housing bubbles. We in the “rloveution” aren’t happy that government has laid illegal directLegal direct? What do you mean? and excessive taxes against United States citizens. We aren’t happy that the government is pushing for a union between the USA, Mexico, and Canada, just as 20 years ago there was a push for the European Union which now exists today. George Bush, a Republican has already been in talks with Canada and Mexico about a union of these Nations. Neither are we satisfied with international organizations we are part of such as the United Nations who openly admits that they want to get rid of guns out of the hands of people."get rid of guns out of the hands of the people" doesn't work but I like how you tied in arms, hands, firearms Have we forgotten the purpose of the 2nd amendment? Some think the law was for hunting, or an early law to protect everyone that had a gun at that time, or useless since we have a police force. Scholars know it’s a useful law as it is our last resort protection from our government should it become destructive. What are we to do to give people back their rights of freedom of choice and responsibility?

I'll read the rest in a bit.

runningdiz
09-10-2008, 09:36 PM
For years, the United States government has been influenced by special interests like the Military Industrial Complex, who embrace the idea of war because it means huge profits. Other special interests include those in power who want to help themselves, or groups like those for socialized health care. Taxes have been increased along with the National Debt and more bureaucratic governmental institutions such as Home Land Security. These institutions have been going against the original Republican Party platform of smaller Government. The Republican slogan George Bush ran on in 2000 was, “No Nation Building”. Now after George Bush’s presidency we see that the Republican Party has submitted to special interests by starting a preemptive war against Iraq, increasing the size of government, and passing illegal laws such as the Patriot Act and the Military Commission Act. The Republican Party has strayed away from its roots, but not without a fight by people like former Republican Presidential Candidate Ron Paul, and his, “Revolution” who wish to bring the United States back to a smaller and smarter form of Government.

This is just a rough edit of first paragraph... Very good content just some grammar problems. incorrect use of commas, run on sentences and wrong choice of words are your main problems.

hotbrownsauce
09-10-2008, 09:45 PM
thanks I'm reading your reviews now :)!!!

hotbrownsauce
09-10-2008, 09:56 PM
thank you for your help! Its looking good so far :)

hotbrownsauce
09-10-2008, 10:11 PM
Thanks a lot for your help. I think I'm good now..... If I remember I'll post my grade.

ClockwiseSpark
09-10-2008, 10:17 PM
Thanks a lot for your help. I think I'm good now..... If I remember I'll post my grade.

"remove the arm of defense from the hands of the people" or something.

micahnelson
09-10-2008, 10:26 PM
When beginning an essay, it is important to make a clear statement to engage the reader, and give them an expectation of what they are about to read. The rest of the essay should support your central idea.
Your first paragraph seems to set up the idea that the Republican party has been corrupted, and there is a movement to reform it led by Ron Paul. It could use a little more clarity, so lets take a look.


For years, the United States government on all sides has been influenced by special interests like the Military Industrial Complex, whom like the idea of war because it means huge profits instead of an approach that says, war is a last resort and never initiated by us.

Other interests include those in power who want to help themselves, or, groups like those for socialized health care.

Taxes have been increased along with the National Debt, and more bureaucratic governmental institutions such as Home Land Security, have been created going against the original Republican Party platform of smaller Government.

The Republican slogan George Bush ran on in 2000 was, “No Nation Building”. Now after George Bush’s presidency we see that the Republican Party has submitted to special interests by starting a preemptive war against Iraq, by increasing the size of government, and by passing illegal laws such as the patriot act and the military commission act.

The Republican Party has strayed away from its roots and has allowed bad Government, but not without a fight by people like Republican Ron Paul, and his, “Revolution” who want to bring back a smaller and smarter Government like we had in 1800.


Your closing sentence has the right idea, but it should be in the beginning. You want to cover the military-industrial complex, socialized medicine (Republicans are not commonly known to support this, so you may want to give an example--- consider Mitt Romney's “Free Market” mandatory insurance programs.), the Department of Homeland Security, higher taxes, interventionist foreign policy, and unconstitutional legislation. Consider grouping these together in a logical order, as one of these often leads to another.

Don't copy this verbatim, but it should flow something like this:

The Republican Party has abandoned many of its founding principles, but one man is attempting to bring the Grand Old Party back to it's heritage. At one time the party stood for X, but now Y. Instead of X, they Y. Etc. As the years have gone by, a few have raised their voices in opposition. Ron Paul is one of those few, and his message is resonating with young and old alike. His supporters have called this message of Peace, Prosperity, and Freedom the “Ron Paul Revolution”.

The rest of the paper should give the reader information on the Presidential Campaign, the transition to the Campaign for Liberty, and the effects these efforts have had. You might want to include the core principles of the movement, which at the moment seem to be a humble foreign policy, sound money, and personal liberty.

When is this paper due?

hotbrownsauce
09-10-2008, 10:51 PM
about 10 hours from now

hotbrownsauce
09-10-2008, 11:07 PM
Excellent point nelson, I've edited my paper one last time to your suggestions (along with the others). I'm sure I'll get an A now. I hope my college professor will be impressed =)