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darkdruid
02-16-2008, 12:36 AM
I am hoping to present a speech on the D.C. March and here is what I go so far. Please share with me what you all think:


We live today in a point in American history when our greatest discourses among politicians are items such as what life is, and why it is only they that can provide a better life for you. We live at a time where society teaches us that using common sense is a complicated rarity, something so polar of its true definition it would be a lie to say otherwise. My fellow Americans, we are losing the very basic principles that made this country the greatest nation in the world, a nation that started a new drastic era of change that only later would the rest of the world would follow. And yet now I would like you as an educated America to step back and truly look at what this great country has gone through. How have we changed? What have we become? This country was born from a variety of different groups, repressed groups searching for their own freedoms, their own ideals, and their own home. And it was on the shores of this great country they called home and it was from their ideas that our country was born. A federal government was born to protect the inhabitants of the nation, provide civil and domestic liberties, and to have the interests of the people in heart at all times. It is on this day I must ask you to wakeup to a reality that you will not agree with. I am going to ask you to wakeup to a reality that will leave a bitter taste in your mouth that does not quickly go away.

My fellow Americans it is in the patriot spirit of our forefathers and with a great sense of worry that I come to you to tell you that we are no longer a free nation. Throughout the last century we have broken down the blockades of hate and discrimination against women, and races. We have settled our differences and united into a nation greater than ever before. It is in this respect that America as grown, opening its arms to provide our brothers and sisters a chair at the table amongst us. But it is in my most troubled heart that I must let you know as it is my duty as your fellow brother in the cause of freedom and righteousness that I point out something of great concern to me. We have been betrayed by the very people that have sworn to uphold and protect the law. It is an ever growing and ever evident manner that the food from the very same tables we have sat since the beginning has lessened and many are beginning to feel the pains of hunger as they are starved. These foods are the liberties and freedoms that our constitution has provided to us as long as we hold it high in respect. Whether it be from neglect or from just being misinformed, we as Americans have let ourselves and our brothers and sisters go hungry for the case of security.

Our story is an old one, that of tyranny and self interests. A story perhaps as old as the race of man. It is with the hopes of creating an incorruptible free government that our forefathers conceived this nation and it is to that respect we failed them. Our politicians as a majority rarely serve with the peoples’ best interest in mind but instead for special interests. Now they share interests for a few special individuals rather than the many. These corrupt politicians have made mockery of our liberties and used scare tactics to have us substitute our common sense for the answer they tell us is right. As our current system resides as it does now we have very trying fight before things become better.

It is only if I speak out against these injustices, and you speak out and we join hands telling our neighbors and fellow patriots what this country is truly about that things will get better. Over time our voices would grow louder, our passion greater, and in a matter of time our once sovereign nation may be restored as a great peaceful nation envied by all other nations. It is now we must act before the true ideas of patriotism die off and only remain as memories. It is now I ask you to wake up and stand next to your brother to defend the sacred principles of freedom before they are laughed at rather than fought for. It is in this world we live in today that we must link hands and help guide our brother out of the darkness and into the light. Too long we have dreamt that our countries actions were always correct, that every situation was handled as it should be, and that we lived in as free of a country as our forefathers. Now and only now is the time to make these dreams reality before they become just that, dreams.

Enzo
02-16-2008, 12:54 AM
loosing should be losing...

principals should be principles...

four fathers should be forefathers...


and that font is way too big...



Otherwise... not bad. Personally, I'd respond to less of the "Dark Days" and "Scary world we live in" sentiment... and more of the hopeful feeling that we can take back our country.

purplechoe
02-16-2008, 12:56 AM
Personally, I'd respond to less of the "Dark Days"

well his name is darkdruid

gracebkr
02-16-2008, 01:01 AM
when is the march?

Libertytree
02-16-2008, 01:05 AM
Pretty good for starters. As a writer I have a couple of suggestions. Write, re-write and re-write, continually hone your basic message. Use a dictionary for spelling etc. as text of the speech may be used in a variety of ways and you want it to read well too.

bcreps85
02-16-2008, 01:07 AM
I'd replace dark and dreary stuff with things like "sad times" or something less negative and dark.

VRP08
02-16-2008, 01:09 AM
Pretty good for starters. As a writer I have a couple of suggestions. Write, re-write and re-write, continually hone your basic message. Use a dictionary for spelling etc. as text of the speech may be used in a variety of ways and you want it to read well too.

I agree.

darkdruid
02-16-2008, 01:13 AM
I'd replace dark and dreary stuff with things like "sad times" or something less negative and dark.

I tried to lighten it up a bit. Let me know if that is better.